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'If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all."
~Yogi Bhajan
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Hurricane Renewal
Hurricane renewal Leave a comment
TAKE FOR GRANTED- There’s a phrase that deserves consideration. Here’s a chance to really appreciate what you have, as the big clean up begins.
The cleaning starts at home- by that I mean, finding ways to calm and center yourself.
Some suggestions:
1. Home yoga practice- this is a great time for restorative yoga. Judith Lassiter has many fine suggestions in her books, which are easily available. She suggests passive asanas, ending with yoga nidra, a deeply relaxing experience that should end ALL yoga practice.
1. Home yoga practice- this is a great time for restorative yoga. Judith Lassiter has many fine suggestions in her books, which are easily available. She suggests passive asanas, ending with yoga nidra, a deeply relaxing experience that should end ALL yoga practice.
2. Contact friends and relatives and see if anyone needs your help.
3. Meditate on your good fortune.
Monday, August 22, 2011
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Low Cost Yoga
Yorkville Studio @ 1629 York Ave @ 86th Street, New York, NY 10028 | Hot Yoga @ 132 E 85th off Lexington Ave
Yogi's Choice - Pay What You Can
New York Yoga, sensitive to the needs of those out of work or who cannot afford membership, has created Yogi’s Choice, as we believe yoga should be available to everyone.
Yogi’s choosing the studio’s new donation-based classes will receive instruction from a revolving roster of some the studio’s top teachers and fresh new faces including recent graduates of New York Yoga’s Yoga Alliance-certified teacher training program. Yogi’s Choice classes range from 60 to 90 minutes in length, and are offered at various times during the week at both studios Monday through Saturday. All donation-based classes are at an intermediate level, meaning they are perfect for all types of yogis from beginners to advanced-level practitioners.
Suggested Donation is $15 but Pay What You Can!
See You On The Mat
| York Studio | Hot Studio |
|---|---|
| Monday 8:25a – 9:25a | Monday 1:30 - 2:30p |
| Tuesday 3:05-4:20p | Tuesday 1:30p – 2:30p |
| Wednesday 8:25a – 9:25a | Wednesday 1:30p – 2:30p |
| Friday 3:05p – 4:20p | Thursday 1:30p – 2:30p |
| Saturday 2:50p – 4:05p | Friday 12:00p – 1:00p |
| Saturday 1:00p – 2:30p |
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
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The Angry Bus
The Angry Bus
By Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT, Object Relations Topic Expert Contributor
It was a horrible cold rainy day in New York City, and Leila was waiting for the bus. Suddenly a woman came up to her and asked which bus went to 98th Street.
“The bus I am waiting for, the M15, stops at 96th Street,” Leila said.
“I don’t like the M15. I was just on that bus and had to get off because the bus driver was nasty and started a fight with me.”
“That’s too bad,” Leila said. She thought about her own struggles on the yoga mat earlier that morning when she started out mad at her boyfriend, and worked her way through it. “Sometimes you can stop being mad. It’s not worth it. Anger takes too much energy and can spoil your day. Let it go.”
“That’s just what I always tell my kids,” the woman said. “It’s never worth staying angry. Let it go, I always tell them.”
Just then the M15 drove up. “Hey, here comes another M15,” Leila said.” Let’s get on the bus together.”
“No,” the woman said. “I don’t like that bus.”
“But it’s not the same driver. It’s a different bus than the one you were on before. Come on!”
“NO!”
Leila got on the bus by herself while the woman stood alone in the sleet.
“No,” the woman said. “I don’t like that bus.”
“But it’s not the same driver. It’s a different bus than the one you were on before. Come on!”
“NO!”
Leila got on the bus by herself while the woman stood alone in the sleet.
Later Leila decided that this was no ordinary woman; she was really an angel sent to show people what anger looks like.
I love this story. It shows exactly how crazy anger makes us. The woman, who I feel should have name- let’s call her Angela- chose to stand in the freezing cold rain rather than get on a warm dry bus that would take her where she wanted to go. How many times have I done that? So many times I’ve preferred to stay angry and feel justified, feel RIGHT, when really a solution is in front of my nose, if I could only drop my angry blinders and see it. You know the phrase, “blind anger”? This is a perfect example. Angela was blind to the opportunities the bus was offering her.
Leila tried to give her a helping hand, but Angela refused to get on the bus, even with Leila’s company. And the bus she turned down wasn’t the exact same bus where she had her first problem; it was a different bus, just with the same number. Angela knew that, but it didn’t matter. As far as she was concerned, all the M15 busses were no good. Her anger with one bus had spread out to include all busses with the same number, just as anger with one person can spread out and affect other people who somehow remind you of the person you’re really angry with, but you don’t know it, you just automatically condemn everybody, miss the bus, and stand cold and alone in the rain.
People who are controlled by their anger rain on everybody else, too. They feel alone, and then they arrange to be that way by chasing everyone away, or by not recognizing hands of friendship. William James, the famous psychologist, said, “the things we pay attention to most become our reality.” Angela’s reality was an angry bus. If you can get behind the rage and work with it before it takes on a life of its own you’re ahead of the game. You need to know yourself better, find your buttons and press uninstall. A therapist will help you recognize your issues and develop better controls. The sooner you can recognize and name your feelings, the sooner you can be in charge. Meditation and yoga can help too.
And what if you do feel angry, then what? Take a deep breath, and “do turtle.” Fold your arms around yourself, give yourself a big hug, and breathe. “Doing turtle” is a feature of the PATHS (Promote Alternate Thinking Strategies) program developed by Mark Greenberg to teach children how to recognize and deal appropriately with their emotions. It works for adults too. Resorting to PATHS, psychotherapy, meditation and yoga will teach you to recognize your feelings and slow down and reflect before you act. It takes time, of course, to develop new skills, but it’s worth the investment.
So get on the bus.
If you like this article, please bookmark it or share it with others using any of the following services:
©Copyright 2011 by Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT, therapist in New York, NY. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Lynn and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
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Life's Cafe
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Life’s Cafe
By Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT, Object Relations Topic Expert Contributor
This past month was filled with the normal spectacular events of life- birth, death, and the spaces in between. My mother-in-law died at the age of almost 99; held by someone close to her; it was reported that she ate a bit of dinner, and that as she began the process of dying her last words were “thank you.” She was in a mostly vegetative state for many years, and her death was a blessing. I’m amazed that she was able to speak at all, and thankful that she was feeling grateful. Family and friends created a loving space for all of us to heal.
It feels a bit strange to say what I’m thinking about next. It’s about my cat, Bella. Perhaps a cat’s death mentioned next to a person’s death is an uncomfortable pairing, and some people may object. But these two deaths happened one on top of the other, paired in time. During the mourning period for my mother-in-law, my cat Bella developed a sudden, rapidly growing spreading cancer, untreatable. She stopped eating and started to decline; I brought her to the ASPCA to have her painlessly euthanized. She died in my arms, her nose buried in the crook of my elbow. My ache was alleviated by the lovely holding sensitive response of all the workers and doctors I met on the way as we travelled toward her death, and I returned home without her. She had been mine to care for since she was a kitten, and her calm aware energy was a gift.
My mother-in-law’s death, though expected, was nevertheless a surprise when it finally happened, evoking the memories of our complicated relationship, calling up my feelings about my own parents’ deaths, and heightening my awareness of the growing fragility of the many older people whom I love. We’re all transients, myself included. These thoughts led me to think about reification- how we humans make our attachment figures, human or animal or otherwise, into unchangeable permanent things we can cling too, and that seem to cling to us and tell us who we are. This is an illusion, clearly, both Western and Eastern psychology would agree to that. It’s how we delude ourselves into believing that nothing will ever change and that we are immortal. I found comfort in the different levels and interpretations of reality of the two psychology/philosophies.
Spaces In Between
Freud wrote, in “Mourning and Melancholia,” that normal mourning is the gradual letting go of the relationship that has ended with death, a painful and necessary psychic process. Each of the myriad links to the beloved is gradually weakened and rendered less painful. Contemplative psychotherapy holds that the mind’s contents are malleable, and we must be present to our hearts’ contents. Yoga has given me many years of experience of meditation, relaxation and softening. I was fortunate; I had at least three perspectives to help me deal with my grief.
Freud wrote, in “Mourning and Melancholia,” that normal mourning is the gradual letting go of the relationship that has ended with death, a painful and necessary psychic process. Each of the myriad links to the beloved is gradually weakened and rendered less painful. Contemplative psychotherapy holds that the mind’s contents are malleable, and we must be present to our hearts’ contents. Yoga has given me many years of experience of meditation, relaxation and softening. I was fortunate; I had at least three perspectives to help me deal with my grief.
I remembered that, just as I always tell my students and patients, the first commitment is to the self. I gentled myself. I went out of the way to do nice healing things, lots of yoga and meditation, music to listen to; I got a massage, bought myself a present. Cried when I needed.
February is also my birthday month; I didn’t feel much like celebrating, but others did and I went along to please them and found myself having a pretty good time. I enjoyed working and playing with others but for a while decided to forego the petty torments of bureaucracy. Paperwork could wait for a bit.
Embrace
Two weeks later the event my family and I had been waiting for- my fourth grand child was born. “Release that which is going out and embrace that which is coming in” was the motto of the day. The baby embodies possibility, a new round of attachment and loss, new opportunities- joy! He is a good sleeper, eater and cuddler. He was a big baby- 8 lbs 7 oz, and already has juicy fat cheeks.
Two weeks later the event my family and I had been waiting for- my fourth grand child was born. “Release that which is going out and embrace that which is coming in” was the motto of the day. The baby embodies possibility, a new round of attachment and loss, new opportunities- joy! He is a good sleeper, eater and cuddler. He was a big baby- 8 lbs 7 oz, and already has juicy fat cheeks.
On my desk I have a yellow strip of paper that says: “Release that which is going out. Embrace that which is coming in. Leave alone that which has not yet come. Want nothing, and embrace everything.” written by Anonymous, and found in my favorite restaurant, the Ayurveda CafĂ©.
If you like this article, please bookmark it or share it with others using any of the following services:
©Copyright 2011 by Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT, therapist in New York, NY. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Lynn and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
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